The Imkerei

 Uwe, the Imkerei, where I work at the Weihnachtsmarkt

Imagine a busy city street lined with temporary red and white striped roofs. At night, lights sparkle and shine from within every shop and hang above, suspended in the air. A huge Santa sits before an even larger standing Toy Soldier. They keep me entertained every night while I wait for the double decker M19 Bus home. With all of the shops and decorations one can hardly notice the modern works of art, including a big water fountain or the two huge churches that are the signature for Breitscheidplatz here in Charlottenburg. One of the churches (Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedächtniskirche) was halfway destroyed during the 2nd World War but was left standing. A second church was built next to it. It is a very modern church with small square windows that shine blue from instense blue light that illuminates the huge cross with Christ within. They are literally steps apart from each other and as contrasting as possibe. Berlin typically mixes the old with the new, the historic with the modern.

The Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedächtniskirches side by side.

 

The Imkerei shop (where I work) at the Christmas Market is not far from these two churches. It is sandwiched between a dark shop illuminated by rich blues, oranges, reds, purples, greens and more for a visual delight of handcrafted lights in the shape of stars and flowers and a shop for Handschuhe (gloves or literally: handshoes), Mütze (winter caps) und Schals (scarves). Most of the time, Jens works there. He always has a twinkle of mischief in his eye and comes by often for honeywine and conversation. He's a painter of walls but earns money selling laterns.                                        

There are many characters that visit the Weihnachtsmarkt. Just yesterday, we had a very interesting woman accompanied by her two male friends. She wore red boots with red stockings, a short red adn white pok-a-dot skirt and an open red, shiny and puffy jacket (keep in mind it's freezing). She danced about, twirling radom stiff Germans and singing in a screechy voice burned out from shouting, cigarettes and alcohol (yes, including honey wine). Uwe, my boss, doesn't care much for the boistrous visitors but I enjoy them. Uwe is a beekeeper. He makes honey, propolis, candles from beeswax and MET (honeywine). What is honeywine? It's only honey and water that goes through a process that eventually turns into a form of wine. It has the same alcohol content as other wine (10-14%), depending on the type of honey he uses. He has many colonies of bees, each housing 60,000 bees with only one queen bee.

Weihnachtsmarkt in Charlottenburg: Inside Europa Center (L); one of the many outdoor booths- this one for sweets (R)

Dancing Between the Raindrops

Lately, I've been jogging instead of walking. It started when I decided to jog to yoga class every Tuesday. It was a great way to warm up my body before stretching. It was also on my way to yoga that it happened to be raining but I hardly got wet. I felt as though I existed in a temporal zone in constant motion and yet ever present. I never read "The Power of Now" but the title seems to capture this very revelation.

Rainy day view of the bridge connecting Kreuzberg to Friedrichshain.

I was able to catch the yellow U-Bahn (U1) that I take to my Deutschkurs.

I've been learning how to hold on to the now. It's a challenge to yield to the desire to speed ahead or dwell on the past. However, it is very rewarding to exist in the now and I find there is little room for the future or the past. Personally, I have experienced a great improvement in my voice, the ability to speak German and a job. I owe it all to the blessings I have allowed to enter my life.

It wasn't long before I came to Berlin that I signed up for German at the Volkshochschule. It wasn't an easy decision to make. Classes were every weekday, Monday through Friday from 9:30am-1:45pm. I would have to buy the monthly metrocard (Monatskarte) and quell the many questions and scenerios building in my mind. "Will I be able to afford this? What if I find a job with conflicting hours? What if I have to move and the commute is not possible?..." I was already taking weekly classes privately but I knew once a week was not enough. I knew I could be progressing faster and that learning German was a priority. I had to jump into the unknown and bypass my own mental barriers. So now the question is, where would I be had I not signed up? I know the answer. I would be further away from my dream and the path I know I should be on.

Building where I had a masterclass with Roberta Cunningham

in Charlottenburg (Berlin, Germany)

My voice? It is really coming together. I have found that a multitude of different experiences and exposure to different insights has aided me in discovering the best potential for my voice. Since in Berlin, I've worked with Janet Williams, Roberta Cunningham, Ann Rodiger and David Jones. Each experience has been monumental to my progress. December 19, 2009 I will participate in my first concert in Berlin.

My calendar: color coordinated for each activity.

Includes voice lessons, german class, health and social events/artistic outings.

The job. It was completely through God. I knew I should go to the Christmas market. I had just finished an amazing session with Ann Rodiger (Alexander Technique) and was feeling calm and connected to my body. It would've been easy to skip the market but I knew I should go, so I went. It was there that I met Uwe, the Imkerei. I was admiring the candles while he spoke to me and I tried to understand everything he said. Very clearly, I understood the question of whether or not I needed a job. "Yes" I replied. "Can you start 'jetzt'?" Ok. I didn't know the hours, how much it payed or even what exactly I'd be doing but I knew I needed a job. I had time at the moment and there was no reason to worry about why I couldn't do the job.

I've spent a substantial percent of my life in fear. Not of anything in particular, just fear that I was not doing what I 'should' be doing - that I wasn't good enough. I've come to accept that I am unique and special and have a beautiful purpose in this world. I know that this is not only true for me but of every single person born on this earth. It's just a matter of acceptance. I have found my acceptance by being in teh now and therefore drawing closer to God.

I like the image of 'dancing between the raindrops'. I see grace intertwined with beauty. It makes me think about capturing the best possibilities of the now with the uncertainty of what's to come.

Falling in Autumn

The leaves on the trees are losing their rich green color...fading and falling. There are spectacular yellows, oranges, not so many reds and a lot of browns. We already had our first snowfall, even though it was more like slush than flakes! The weather is cold or comfortable but warm, it is not. Most days, it rains or mists, which creates a haze over all the passing colors in the foliage.

The change of season is a perfect metaphor for my current life status. Everything is in transition and all is in preparation for what is to come. It is hard to gadge where I am along the process (like the mist before the autumn scenery) but it is evident that there is change and that that change is for the better.

God is my only constant and it is amazing what blessings come when I don't let doubt get in the way. It is as if the plates of earth are shifting before my every step and I never manage to fall through the cracks. The two most important things for me right now, aside from the basics of food, shelter and clothing, are learning German and improving my voice. I am extremely grateful for these things. Beyond this, I have even been able to attend the opera, meet new people and share some very special moments filled with laughter and warmth.

I think it's safe to say that I have stripped away most of what is comfortable and started a-new. I gave up the comfort of the people I know and care deeply for, the language I can communicate in, the resources such as places and people I became accustomed to, and the understanding of a culture. How could I know all the blessings that would unfold by letting all that go?

My days feel like an blank canvas that allows me to manifest the life I was meant to achieve here on earth. Everyday there are challenges. These challenges stretch the seams of my comfort zone and force me to grow in ways I perhaps couldn't have done had I stayed where I was and certainly not at the rate in which I am moving forward now.

I have been spending more time imagining what it will really be like when I am working in an opera house. The possibility of that reality seems so much closer to me than it had before. Where I am looking forward to my first contract, and I do not want it to be too far from now, I see this time of preparation as a very important part of the process. When the time comes to sign on the dotted line, I must be aware of how that decision will effect the rest that follow. This career demands that one be constantly thiking ahead and towards the next opportunity (and time for rest and rejuvenation).

The normal Fest contract in Europe is for two years. In comparison to a single performance or string of performances, this sounds like the treasure chest at the end of the rainbow. It sounds like the final point saught after for so long. So, now is the time for me to realize what I must do to maintain a successful career once it comes and to define what "success" is on my own terms. I need to be aware that every decision effects the next and to not be overwhelmed with that awareness.

For now, I am, in a sense, "alone" and I am given the full opportunity to reach within myself and find my greatest strength. Alone does not equal lonely. I don't hear from my friends as often as I desire but that does not make me lonely. I have actually yearned for this my whole life and I am deeply fulfilled to be inspiring others and following my intuition.

I had no idea what to expect with my one-way ticket. I thought I'd be in sunny Italy, speaking the language of romance. Instead the wind is blowing fierce chills and I'm speaking the language of umlauts and gagging sounds. Every twist and turn is an opportunity and I grasp the unknown in order to glide into the next unknown. I do not fall and if I do, I know God is there to catch me.

Love and Blessings,

Tara

A blessing.

Dealing with paperwork is synonymous with living in Germany and there are very few people I have encountered in the administrative field that look as though they enjoy their job. The process to sign up for german classes at the Volkhochschule started about a month ago. First there is a placement test. Then you must come back with your test and pay for the class. But the office is only open Thursdays: 2 hrs in the morning; and 3hrs in the afternoon. Thursday evenings I have my private german lesson with Georg, so make that Thursday morning only! And before you pay for the test you must bring the proper paperwork. I was told the class I would enter would be A2 (A zwei pronounced "ah tsvahiii") and would meet every M-F from 9:30am-12:45pm. That was the first Thursday. That evening I met with Georg and told him about the test placement. He told me A2 was too high a level but maybe I'll catch up by November. Oh yeah, the classes don't start until November. Ok, so I went through the papermill and returned next Thursday. When I arrived the people upstairs told me to go downstairs and the people downstairs told me to go upstairs. Then the doors closed. I would have to wait until they opened again in the afternoon. I figured all would be ok. I would have enough time to get to my lesson having purchased my new Monatskarte for the U/S Bahn. My 1 hour walk would only be a 15minute train ride.

When I returned in the afternoon, I was sent on the same hunt. No one knew what to do with me. I just remained calm and explained that I took the test, had my papers and needed to pay for the A2 german course starting in November. The woman in charge had seen me circling the halls before and now with two other women who didn't know what to do with me. She took me into her private office. She told me the course I was promised was cancelled. I would have to enter another course at a lower level that started two weeks ago, that was in another part of town and all for the same price! Fine. Kein angst. We chatted in English and I passionately told her my story of coming to fulfill my dream as an opera singer. I like sharing my story. It usually cracks a smile. It did. She was very intrigued. I figured I might as well ask if there were any new openings in the yoga classes that I was told were all full last week. "Yes!" she said. There is one spot. "One spot, just for me!" I exclaimed. "Yes, looks like it!" she replied with a big smile. Now it was time to go back upstairs and do some more official documenting with the receptionists who seem like they particularly cared for their job our your problems. I entered the room and handed over my papers. The woman helping me shared with them that I was an opera singer. Their faces lit up, "really?"  I responded, "yes, would you like me to sing for you?"

So there, in the grey office with grey tables and grey faces with a line full of people waiting to sign up for one course or the other I performed an aria for all. Everything stood still. You could only hear the tick of the clock if you really listened intently. And there, I enjoyed bringing my gift to the dull walls of this institution that sees so much frustration. When I finished, the receptionists were grinning ear to ear and service continued with a smile. Time escaped and it was 10minutes until my lesson. That's when I received a call from Georg cancelling our session.

It was a potentially nerve wracking day or shall I say couple of weeks. My flow could've come to a screeching halt at any moment...from the endless quest to attain new paperwork and discruntled faces while fumbling in german to having to pay for a course that already started two weeks ago. God wanted to flow through me and I was able to be God's vessel. These moments assure me I'm on the right path.

Love,
Tara

The First Month.

I survived the first month in Berlin!

God told me before I left the States not to worry about learning German, that it would come naturally. I was given the peace to dive in, head first, into the unknown. I would also know what to do, and I would just have to listen to my intuition.

After one month in Germany, I created a network of professionals in the operatic field. I had publicity in the local newspapers, including an article devoted to me, translated as "Opera Singer with Heart". It told the story of how I sang for a woman's mother who had alzheimers. She remembered the singing for two whole days. It brought the family great joy. We are now good friends. The experience itself was a great reward but then she told the press about the experience....

This week commences my daily German lessons at the Volkshochschule. For three hours a day, I participate in a class of approximately fifteen people that come from all around the world. Our class has representatives from Ethiopia, Moldavia, Ukraine, Vietnam, Portugal, Spain, Australia, England, Albania, Italy and me from the US. I am already able to have a conversation in German. I do not understand everything and I can only speak in the present tense but I am able to get along quite well with the patient, slow speaking Germans. This is about 15% or less of the population but I manage to find them!

After four lessons with Janet Williams, I already see great improvement with my voice. We are focusing almost entirely on the middle voice and connecting the registers. I have been able to practice (aloud) for one hour a day. I go to the library for the allotted two hours a week, a nearby church and a piano repair shop. I befriend Albay, a piano refurbisher from Turkey. He also set me up with an interview at the Turkish Music School to be a piano teacher. Unbelievably, I was hired. Unfortunately, I only had one student to start with and the pay was minimal. I had to decline the job. I think the time is better spent looking for a more stable, better paying job.

Every Monday night, there is an aria night organized by a small opera company entitled "Berlin International Opera". Every first Friday of the month, my voice teacher holds a masterclass in her home. In November, she is organizing a masterclass given by David Jones (my teacher's teacher). Plans are to see one opera performance a week. Tomorrow, I will go on a guided tour of the Deutsche Oper (auf Deutsch).

 

Expenses with no job? Money is quickly fleeting but I have peace. I know God will provide. I am doing everything I can to get to the next step: a Fest contract in Berlin (weekly voice lessons, daily German classes, masterclasses, researching opera houses, meeting other singers). I have been on three job interviews, as well. The Turkish Music School, and two job placement centers (Prima Job and mise en place). Prima Job gave me the run around. Mise en place told me I need to speak German better. I was told to come back in 3months, after being able to speak better. They also gave me four other leads for jobs right now.

Ideally, I would survive on sponsorship, foundations and grants until I was able to manage singing opportunities. I already received a small grant and sponsorship from various donors before coming to Europe. Currently, I am awaiting a check from a donor in NYC. I will seek other sources, as well. If anyone has any leads, please let me know! I will also be keeping my eye out for catering jobs. A weekend job that would allow me time during the week to perfect the craft and learn German would be fantastic.

I am focused on the NOW. I speak both German and Italian practically everyday. When not practicing, I am researching opera houses, learning the city and searching for a good winter coat. I will have to add a pair of shoes to the list. I just broke my only pair of real shoes. They lasted a good 7yrs, so I can't complain. I can still manage with them until I find a new pair. Wintercoat, presentable walking shoes, winter shoes and a wallet. Yup, my favorite wallet broke too. It was perfect. Compact, zipper for cash and cards, zipper for change and small enough to fit into my pocket. It's near impossible to find but I am on the search.

I also have a few friends! I have a list of about  twenty people I know in Berlin. My list started with people from Perleberg and grew from there. I met a lot of people at events. There are three main internet sites I've used to find events: Lemon Town, ToyTownGermany.com and Meetup.com. Those groups have led me to hiking outside of Berlin, an Oscar nominated Short Film screening, language exchange at a bar and a meeting of creative minds at a restaurant. Pamphlets are another great resource. I am constantly on the lookout for upcoming lectures, performances and events of all kinds. Many churches have cafes and music. I went to one called CafeNiko for a jazz duo and it led to my first evening speaking auf Deutsch.

The greatest part of this adventure is that I am inspiring others while realizing my dreams. I am traveling, speaking different languages and perfecting the craft. Receiving emails from friends and acquaintances telling me that my story is inspiring them in some way or another in their lives is incredible. I look forward to sharing some special moments I have experienced.....coming soon.

Love and Blessings,

Tara

Walls!?

Will I stay,
or will I go?

Where I go
I do not know.

But I do know
where I want to be!

     I guess much hasn't changed since I was 10yrs old standing on the decayed, wooden boat rack on the edge of our front lawn, gathering the other children to watch me perform. The flame is still alive to shine a light on the world.

     Here I am in germany. I bought a one way ticket to Florence and wound up in Berlin, go figure! but this is a time I have embraced in my year of "Flying by Faith".

     One constant in my life, besides the Arts and searching for the Truth has been an annoying "brat" as Carol Kirkaptrick would say, that tells me I'm not moving fast enough, I'm not where im supposed to be...etc. It is in this time that I have been enjoying life without the brat. Yes, I want a better voice. Yes, I want to be fluent in German...and Italian (and French, Spanish, Russian, Gaelic....). Yes, I want, want, want! It is so easy to have not. It is also easy to have and be thankful for what you do have.

     These past couple of days, I decided to go back to Perleberg (where I participated in the Lotte Lehmann Academy) to visit a lovely family I befriended, Elisabeth and Eckart Topp...plus muttie (who is senile and spends most of the time in bed). Elisabeth prepared each meal, we spoke German and we spent time in nature. I have yet to figure out the steadiness of life in Berlin but I decided to visit the Topps, anyway. I do not know what the future will bring as far as committments and I thought I should visit before the weather turned too cold and before I wouldn't have time to escape my busy schedule. I'm living as though I am fulfilling my desires. ...and while Iwas not worrying, I found out I was doing all the things that would take me closer to realizing my dreams.

     I came to Perleberg Sunday morning. I rode my bike to the |Hauptbonhof at 8am. It looked easy enough on the map. I made it. From there, I found my way to Bad Wilsnack where elisabeth was waiting for me. She was very impressed that I was speaking auf deutsch and we had a lovely ride to Perleberg in the car, with tree lined roads and nature for miles in every direction.

     When I arrived, Elisabeth showed me my own apartment. I did not expect such a thing. I had two rooms, an attic, bathroom, kitchen, TV and great view of the weeping willow tree hanging over the canal. I would awake to silence, sun peering in through the windows, a bit of yoga, german TV and practice for the voice. Around 10am or so, I would join Eckart and Elisabeth for tea, warm milk with honey, bread, jelly, sausages, cheese and fruits. Each day contained a little adventure. one day was a bike ride by the canal with Elisabeth, the next was a car ride to Wittenberge where Eckart grew up. we rode by the cows, sheep, horses and the river with hardly a sole in sight but the older woman with an apron carrying two pales across the street, past the strand of pear trees to the chicken coup. The next day I met with Tino and Mena to connect and speak Italian at the Italian restaurant we frequented all the time during the Lotte Lehmann Akadamie.

     The first day, Eckart took me to see where the Russian soldiers and their families stayed during the DDR (Deutsche Demokratische Republik). One can see where there once stood a wall and all the buildings inhabited by the russian soldiers and their families. Most of these buildings are now abandoned. and only a slight vision of where the wall once stood. Elisabeth still keeps in touch with some of the Russian women who lived behind the wall. They were able to come and go, to purchase things in town but no Germans were allowed into the Russian occupied area. It is so interesting to get their perspective on life within the Socialist regime (what I and many others often called the Communist regime). They, as many other families, were very content with life prior to 1989, when the wall fell and Democracy reigned. They recall a life "kein angst". There were jobs for all, free care for the children when the parents went to work, and never a theft. Afterwards, it felt to them like an invasion of the West. The new people came with ideas of grandure, with money to spend that the Easterners had not. They saw a mentality shift from those that were content with what they have to a new found need for more. My friends also felt a lack of respect for the people of the east and the life that was before the wall. And yet, 20yrs later, I find a happy family that lived in the DDR and stayed in the east, where many others left. They are strong-willed people and determined to get the best out of life. They give freely and live in harmony. They buy meat from the local farmer, pick the apples from the trees, and ride on their bikes along the river every sunday. They have been many places in the east- Bulgaria, Russia, Poland but now they travel to the west, like when they will visit their daughter, son-in-law and grandchild in Paris.

     This is not a life in the far reaches of the world. No mudhuts with 2 mile walks to the water well. This is a life in the middle of Europe struggling to accept its current state of existance. This is a life unlike that I learned in history books of a people trapped behind a wall without contact with the outside world. These people traveled. They enjoyed a life without the greed of capitalism.

     Of course, everyone wasn't happy in the east. Problems arose when one was unhappy with what the east offered and wanted something from the west or spoke out against the system. And in Berlin, everything was different. The wall didn't fall between a great expanse of land between people who spoke different languages. This was the difference in Berlin. Those with jobs in the western part of Berlin lost them, along with their friends and family. People in East Berlin knew what they were missing. Eastern Germany was far more removed.

     Und jetzt,...here I am. An american in Germany. An american singer looking for an opera house position in Germany. I am not an unfamiliar site. When the wall fell 20 yrs ago, Berlin was swarming with american singers. But now, more frequent are the russians and koreans... and so the world turns.

     I am happy to be speaking german and italian. I am happy to have few things and little clutter. I am hopeful. I am taking each day at a time and learning a lot. I am even happy without my bike. Yes, it was stolen. The Hauptbanhof is not a good place to leave your bike. Even with a good lock.

And so, one story for another.

Much love and blessings.

A Taste of Berlin

     It is a perfect Berlin day. I left my cold yet naturally bright apartment, where I watered the plants on the balcony, sang happy birthday to my roommate, walked past the beautiful Heilig-Kirche across Zossenerstrasse, through the park and arrived at my most prized location, the Bibliotek. It is a large library with a separate music wing. Computers are available for internet at 30min intervals or for watching DVD/VHS, and there is a practice room with 2 upright pianos and even a place to lie down!

     Currently, I am sitting on the lawn infront of the library, resting my eyes from entirely too much reliance on the computer (mostly preparing my CV). The sun is beating on my back, comforting my body with necessary warmth. I fear the cold days are entirely too soon to come. But for now, I enjoy walking for hours to different locations, riding my new bike- the bike I bought at the Sonntag Flomarkt, originally 50€ but I was able to haggle down to 40€. He was a hard sell. it was one of the best fleamarkets I've ever been to. Used and new, tiny and large and lots of people. I also purchased a keyboard (with case), which I was able to bargain down from 40 to 25€, plus a black, H&M velvet jacket for 2€! That day, I bought a day pass on the U Bahn, one of the best run subway systems in the world (so they say...I'll let you know. I haven't used it much).

     Not everything is cheap. I took the Ubahn to the Gallerie, as well. This is like Macys in Manhattan or the Smithaven Mall on Long Island. There are many floors connected by escalators, housing mostly clothing. I went specifically to find a winter coat. I found some great styles for outrageous prices. Not too unlike that of NY. Coats from 150-400€, which is about 225-600 USD. I am left still in search of a good winter coat (that can withstand lots of snow and rain). I am hoping to find a really nice used one at one of these great fleamarkets that happen all the time. Tuesaday and Friday along the canal near my apartment, many Sunday locations and many more for me to discover.

 

     I am very blessed to have an apartment. This is all thanks to Georg, the german teacher from Perleberg. He lives in Kreuzberg (where I now am). He helped me get an apartment, learn german and many other necessities of getting around in a new city. He is extremely helpful and just an all-around amazing person. He is married to Einat, an opera singer from Tel Aviv, Israel. She is also a wonderful person. Last week, they hosted me and my roomie for a breakfast of fruits (grapes and plums are really big in germany--everytime we had a concert they would feed us green and purple grapes with plums...the plums are very good), French toast, coffee, tea, juice, and conversation. Tonight we will meet again for Gabriel's birthday. We will meet along the canal (one of the many in Berlin). However, this bridge along the canal is where many young people gather at night to play guitar, drink and be social. We will each bring something small to offer and sing for Gabriel. The pathways along the canal are very special. You can ride your bike, walk, sit on a bench or in the grass. People always gather on the grass - from young and old, from many different ethnicities and all in harmony.

     I find the key to Berlin is the harmony. There is an acceptance of people and things unlike any I have ever experience (be it in the United States, Canada, Venezuela, Italy, Perleberg, Hamburg, or Switzerland). I am not afraid to walk alone at night. Men do not stare or whistle when a woman walks by. The homeless ask for change and may linger but never act disruptive or angry (not yet anyway). Tattoes alongside veils, businessmen on bikes and everyone (not everyone but more likely than not) waiting at the crosswalk for the signal change- whether or not there is traffic in sight. There is and are everywhere graffiti on buildings, a bicycle covered in mud, upside down with candles as an impromptu art exhibit in the park, guitar strumming and songs on the grass day and night. There are people working to live rather than living to work.

     I hope the honeymoon with Berlin never dies. I decided to go cold-turkey with English in my pursuit to speak German. I have my first private german class tomorrow. Pray I find a job, my voice improves and everything falls into line with ease.

     My love to you all and thank you so much for your encouragement. you have no idea how you strengthen me.

 

Love and Blessings!