Walls!?

Will I stay,
or will I go?

Where I go
I do not know.

But I do know
where I want to be!

     I guess much hasn't changed since I was 10yrs old standing on the decayed, wooden boat rack on the edge of our front lawn, gathering the other children to watch me perform. The flame is still alive to shine a light on the world.

     Here I am in germany. I bought a one way ticket to Florence and wound up in Berlin, go figure! but this is a time I have embraced in my year of "Flying by Faith".

     One constant in my life, besides the Arts and searching for the Truth has been an annoying "brat" as Carol Kirkaptrick would say, that tells me I'm not moving fast enough, I'm not where im supposed to be...etc. It is in this time that I have been enjoying life without the brat. Yes, I want a better voice. Yes, I want to be fluent in German...and Italian (and French, Spanish, Russian, Gaelic....). Yes, I want, want, want! It is so easy to have not. It is also easy to have and be thankful for what you do have.

     These past couple of days, I decided to go back to Perleberg (where I participated in the Lotte Lehmann Academy) to visit a lovely family I befriended, Elisabeth and Eckart Topp...plus muttie (who is senile and spends most of the time in bed). Elisabeth prepared each meal, we spoke German and we spent time in nature. I have yet to figure out the steadiness of life in Berlin but I decided to visit the Topps, anyway. I do not know what the future will bring as far as committments and I thought I should visit before the weather turned too cold and before I wouldn't have time to escape my busy schedule. I'm living as though I am fulfilling my desires. ...and while Iwas not worrying, I found out I was doing all the things that would take me closer to realizing my dreams.

     I came to Perleberg Sunday morning. I rode my bike to the |Hauptbonhof at 8am. It looked easy enough on the map. I made it. From there, I found my way to Bad Wilsnack where elisabeth was waiting for me. She was very impressed that I was speaking auf deutsch and we had a lovely ride to Perleberg in the car, with tree lined roads and nature for miles in every direction.

     When I arrived, Elisabeth showed me my own apartment. I did not expect such a thing. I had two rooms, an attic, bathroom, kitchen, TV and great view of the weeping willow tree hanging over the canal. I would awake to silence, sun peering in through the windows, a bit of yoga, german TV and practice for the voice. Around 10am or so, I would join Eckart and Elisabeth for tea, warm milk with honey, bread, jelly, sausages, cheese and fruits. Each day contained a little adventure. one day was a bike ride by the canal with Elisabeth, the next was a car ride to Wittenberge where Eckart grew up. we rode by the cows, sheep, horses and the river with hardly a sole in sight but the older woman with an apron carrying two pales across the street, past the strand of pear trees to the chicken coup. The next day I met with Tino and Mena to connect and speak Italian at the Italian restaurant we frequented all the time during the Lotte Lehmann Akadamie.

     The first day, Eckart took me to see where the Russian soldiers and their families stayed during the DDR (Deutsche Demokratische Republik). One can see where there once stood a wall and all the buildings inhabited by the russian soldiers and their families. Most of these buildings are now abandoned. and only a slight vision of where the wall once stood. Elisabeth still keeps in touch with some of the Russian women who lived behind the wall. They were able to come and go, to purchase things in town but no Germans were allowed into the Russian occupied area. It is so interesting to get their perspective on life within the Socialist regime (what I and many others often called the Communist regime). They, as many other families, were very content with life prior to 1989, when the wall fell and Democracy reigned. They recall a life "kein angst". There were jobs for all, free care for the children when the parents went to work, and never a theft. Afterwards, it felt to them like an invasion of the West. The new people came with ideas of grandure, with money to spend that the Easterners had not. They saw a mentality shift from those that were content with what they have to a new found need for more. My friends also felt a lack of respect for the people of the east and the life that was before the wall. And yet, 20yrs later, I find a happy family that lived in the DDR and stayed in the east, where many others left. They are strong-willed people and determined to get the best out of life. They give freely and live in harmony. They buy meat from the local farmer, pick the apples from the trees, and ride on their bikes along the river every sunday. They have been many places in the east- Bulgaria, Russia, Poland but now they travel to the west, like when they will visit their daughter, son-in-law and grandchild in Paris.

     This is not a life in the far reaches of the world. No mudhuts with 2 mile walks to the water well. This is a life in the middle of Europe struggling to accept its current state of existance. This is a life unlike that I learned in history books of a people trapped behind a wall without contact with the outside world. These people traveled. They enjoyed a life without the greed of capitalism.

     Of course, everyone wasn't happy in the east. Problems arose when one was unhappy with what the east offered and wanted something from the west or spoke out against the system. And in Berlin, everything was different. The wall didn't fall between a great expanse of land between people who spoke different languages. This was the difference in Berlin. Those with jobs in the western part of Berlin lost them, along with their friends and family. People in East Berlin knew what they were missing. Eastern Germany was far more removed.

     Und jetzt,...here I am. An american in Germany. An american singer looking for an opera house position in Germany. I am not an unfamiliar site. When the wall fell 20 yrs ago, Berlin was swarming with american singers. But now, more frequent are the russians and koreans... and so the world turns.

     I am happy to be speaking german and italian. I am happy to have few things and little clutter. I am hopeful. I am taking each day at a time and learning a lot. I am even happy without my bike. Yes, it was stolen. The Hauptbanhof is not a good place to leave your bike. Even with a good lock.

And so, one story for another.

Much love and blessings.