Falling in Autumn

The leaves on the trees are losing their rich green color...fading and falling. There are spectacular yellows, oranges, not so many reds and a lot of browns. We already had our first snowfall, even though it was more like slush than flakes! The weather is cold or comfortable but warm, it is not. Most days, it rains or mists, which creates a haze over all the passing colors in the foliage.

The change of season is a perfect metaphor for my current life status. Everything is in transition and all is in preparation for what is to come. It is hard to gadge where I am along the process (like the mist before the autumn scenery) but it is evident that there is change and that that change is for the better.

God is my only constant and it is amazing what blessings come when I don't let doubt get in the way. It is as if the plates of earth are shifting before my every step and I never manage to fall through the cracks. The two most important things for me right now, aside from the basics of food, shelter and clothing, are learning German and improving my voice. I am extremely grateful for these things. Beyond this, I have even been able to attend the opera, meet new people and share some very special moments filled with laughter and warmth.

I think it's safe to say that I have stripped away most of what is comfortable and started a-new. I gave up the comfort of the people I know and care deeply for, the language I can communicate in, the resources such as places and people I became accustomed to, and the understanding of a culture. How could I know all the blessings that would unfold by letting all that go?

My days feel like an blank canvas that allows me to manifest the life I was meant to achieve here on earth. Everyday there are challenges. These challenges stretch the seams of my comfort zone and force me to grow in ways I perhaps couldn't have done had I stayed where I was and certainly not at the rate in which I am moving forward now.

I have been spending more time imagining what it will really be like when I am working in an opera house. The possibility of that reality seems so much closer to me than it had before. Where I am looking forward to my first contract, and I do not want it to be too far from now, I see this time of preparation as a very important part of the process. When the time comes to sign on the dotted line, I must be aware of how that decision will effect the rest that follow. This career demands that one be constantly thiking ahead and towards the next opportunity (and time for rest and rejuvenation).

The normal Fest contract in Europe is for two years. In comparison to a single performance or string of performances, this sounds like the treasure chest at the end of the rainbow. It sounds like the final point saught after for so long. So, now is the time for me to realize what I must do to maintain a successful career once it comes and to define what "success" is on my own terms. I need to be aware that every decision effects the next and to not be overwhelmed with that awareness.

For now, I am, in a sense, "alone" and I am given the full opportunity to reach within myself and find my greatest strength. Alone does not equal lonely. I don't hear from my friends as often as I desire but that does not make me lonely. I have actually yearned for this my whole life and I am deeply fulfilled to be inspiring others and following my intuition.

I had no idea what to expect with my one-way ticket. I thought I'd be in sunny Italy, speaking the language of romance. Instead the wind is blowing fierce chills and I'm speaking the language of umlauts and gagging sounds. Every twist and turn is an opportunity and I grasp the unknown in order to glide into the next unknown. I do not fall and if I do, I know God is there to catch me.

Love and Blessings,

Tara