The Next Chapter

  Friday afternoon at 6:55pm my return flight left for Berlin. At 6:00pm, I sat in my parents living room wondering if there would be an anouncement on the louder speaker paging Tara Kavanagh to gate such and such for the departure of Flight 79. I guess I'll never know.

  When leaving Berlin, I had no idea I would not be returning. I payed for the continuation of my German class and made plans to see friends upon my return. But everything happened as easily as it had the day I left for Italy. No fear, no regrets just forward motion and a pressed ear to God.

  I came home for my first big competition. $15,000 Top Prize, the Gerda Lissner. I felt ready, confident and sure I would do my best. I brought my slippers to warm my feet, arrived early and prepared as best that I could. But my nerves got the best of me. Even 4 days after my plane landed, my body still hadn't settled. I was sick for a week from the day of the competition on. I didn't do my best. All I could think of was how to do better. I had planned to return to NY in May in order to participate in the Fritz and Lavinia Competition. It didn't take long for me to realize that going back to Berlin and returning in only a month would simply be repeating a bad performance. I found out that I had a chance to participate in another competition in April and it was the push I needed to see if it was possible to stay longer in NY.

  My voice has improved but I'm not in the audition swing. The more I do, the better I'll get. If accepted, I'll be participating in the Watermill Center International Program on L.I. and working toward the Merola YAP auditions. The goal is to be an audition machine and to see what opportunities avail themselves. For some reason, prospective opportunities led me back across the Atlantic. I am blessed to be able to follow my dreams. Thank you God for all the wonderful people I have met, the opportunity to learn German and travel.

Blessings,
Tara

What is Certain?

Will I wake up tomorrow?
Will I find my knight in shining armor?
Will I fulfill my purpose on this earth?

What is certain? What have I, should I, will I, am I basing my life on? Where's the rule book?

Why do I find I hold my breath? Why do I cry? Why is Art so important to me?

I recently discovered a new word in German: Leidenschaft. It means 'passion'. Funny thing is, 'Leiden' means sorrow. My Leidenschaft has relocated me half way around the world, to meet the most fantastic people, to discover history as no book or class has ever revealed, and has given me the tools to reinvent myself. The Leiden accounts for the hours of tears and yearning in an inability to present my gifts to the world as I know them to be. Is it possible to have Leidenschaft ohne Leiden?

What is my reality? Do I have the ability to change that reality? Do I want to?

What happens when you strip yourself of all you know and define your own reality? How does one do this? Where do you begin? How does one find what she doesn't know if she only knows what she knows...you know? (Thank you Dr. Seuss) So, why would reinventing onself be of any interest anyway?

Well, I've never frequented a jail cell, killed another human or have been so lost never to have been able to return from whence I came. Well, at least I'm still here to talk about it.

I've spent the majority of my life in school seeking answers from books or teachers or anywhere but from within myself. University allowed me to blossom but I was still not prepared for life outside of school walls. How does one survive as an artist? How does the sensitive soul toughen against the criticism, rejection and worst of all the overly critical self? How does one remain emotional stable when the voice is never the same? How does one create stability in a sea of uncertainty?

Was anyone wondering what the other half of Leidenschaft means? Schaft =
Shank of a tool- which keeps the remaining parts from rotating
Stock of firearm- to which the barrel and firing mechanism is attached
Shaft- a pole weapon such as a spear

What happens when we put the driving force of a weapon together with sorrow? You can come to your own conclusions but I offer you this...


Perhaps our passion is what drives away the sorrow of the world.

Writing this passage makes me feel like a warrior. Overcoming my own barriers and fears is an inspiration to others. Letting others watch me as I stumble and see my growth allows for others to open their minds to finding their own discoveries to all that blocks them in their search for Truth and understanding. What is your truth?

4 Agreements (maybe this can help us find our way):
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best
-Don Miguel Ruiz

*If we are always impeccable with our word we will find what our personal Truth is and therefore be able to manifest it.

Love and Blessings,
Tara

Deutschkurs A 1.3

Deutschkurs at the end of A1.3 for a celebration

German class is everyday from 9:30am-12:45pm. It takes me 45min-1hr to get there. First I walk to the U-Bahn, take the U-Bahn to Waschauerstrasse, take a tram or walk from there. We have two teachers: Neslihan (furthest from left) and Martina (short blond hair with jeans in the middle). There are about 20 of us representing Spain, Brazil, Australia, Paraguay, Vietnam, Venezuela, Ethiopia, Italy, Ukrain, Moldovia, Great Britain and Albania. Hello United Nations! It's a great class because most everyone is motivated to learn, and able.

Tsion is from Ethiopia. She is short and usually wears her hair out big or with a scarf (far back right). She is pregnant with her second child. She is pretty quiet but not as quiet as Lan (to her left). They usually sit next to each other and are both married. Lan is from Vietnam. She speaks very quietly and it is hard to hear her when she speaks. Her German pronciation is hard to understand but her grasp of the language is the best in the class. Carolina is a close second. Her husband Cassio is also in the class. They are both from Brazil but came to Berlin via Barcelona. They speak English, Portuguese and Spanish. I often sit next to them.

Most of the class speaks English. Besides Tsion and Lan, Angela and Lydia are the only other students that don't speak English. Angela speaks Romanian, Russian and her native dialect. She comes from Moldavia. Angela has a round face with big brown eyes and stark black hair with blangs. She is 40yrs old or so and has a daughter that plays the piano (she is very proud of her playing the piano). She has a pleasant smile and comes across as sweet and niave. Before almost every response she lets out a big sigh. Often, she is our comic relief. Lydia also speaks Russian. She comes from the Ukrain.

  

Gerald & Georgia                              Cassio & Carolina                              Richard, Anai & Tammy

Gerald and Georgia are married. He plays the drums and she designs shoes. Cassio and Carolina are married as well. They came to my birthday gathering at the apartment and sometimes we study together. Richard as his wife (not in our class) came to visit me at the Christmas market to try some honeywine. Many class members went to see Tammy perform at a restaurant. She is a singer-songwriter originally from Australia. On this last day, she taught us a round (a song that repeats and overlaps at certain intervals- we do this often with Row Row Row your Boat) about the Cuckaburros.

Tammy teaching us the Round                                                                  Emiliano being his funny self

This was in celebration of completing level A 1.3. After the holidays, we move into A 2.1. Everyone brought something to eat. Lan even made Vietnamese egg rolls. She woke up at 6am to make sure they were hot and fresh for class. They were great. We all ate and were merry and I also sang "Ach ich fuehls". 

I look forward to our next class. I'm hoping not to forget everythind after the break. 

Love and Blessings!